Bids for Connection
Peer-Reviewed
John Gottman's term for any attempt — verbal or nonverbal — to get attention, affirmation, or connection from a partner.
John Gottman's term for any attempt — verbal or nonverbal — to get attention, affirmation, or connection from a partner. Can be as small as pointing out something interesting or as significant as sharing a worry. Partners respond in three ways: turning toward (engaging), turning away (ignoring), or turning against (rejecting). Couples who regularly turn toward bids have dramatically more relationship satisfaction. The accumulation of small moments matters more than grand gestures.
Evidence
Peer-Reviewed
Bids for connection, the small everyday attempts to get a partner's attention, affection or support, earn Peer-Reviewed as a descriptive Gottman construct. Whether partners turn toward or away from bids is observable behavior from the Love Lab program (Heyman, 2001), and turning-toward is one of the better-supported descriptive markers of stable friendship in couples. The star is for this descriptive science, not the marketed divorce-prediction accuracy that sits on the wider model.
Origin
John Gottman
Sources
- The Relationship Cure — John Gottman, 2001