The Relationship Bank Account
Research-Informed
A metaphor with three overlapping versions: Stephen Covey's "emotional bank account" (*The Seven Habits*), Gottman's emotional bank account in his…
A metaphor with three overlapping versions: Stephen Covey's "emotional bank account" (*The Seven Habits*), Gottman's emotional bank account in his research on turning toward bids, and Willard Harley's "Love Bank" (*His Needs, Her Needs*), which is a staple in Christian marriage circles. All make the same point. Every positive interaction (kindness, listening, following through on commitments, appreciation) is a deposit. Every negative interaction (criticism, dismissiveness, broken promises) is a withdrawal. The balance determines how much goodwill exists in the relationship. A high balance means occasional withdrawals are absorbed without crisis. A low or negative balance means even small negatives cause serious damage.
Evidence
Research-Informed
The relationship bank account, the metaphor that small positive and negative interactions accumulate like deposits and withdrawals, earns Research-Informed. It is a popularizing image rather than a measured construct, but it maps directly onto well-supported Gottman research on bids and turning toward (Heyman, 2001). The rating reflects that grounding while acknowledging the bank-account framing itself has not been tested as a literal model.
Origin
Covey's emotional bank account; Harley's Love Bank; Gottman's research
Sources
- His Needs, Her Needs — Willard Harley, 1986